Shirts, Among Other Things
by Apple Snapple
Summary: Written with hyperdude: The Seigaku regulars have lots and lots of fun brainwashing Tezuka with their amazing shirt slogans. Crack.


A half-hour crack writing spree with my friend, hyperdude, on MSN.

This was cowritten with hyperdude. T-shirt slogans belong to her. XD

* * *

Fuji had thought it would be a great and funny idea to glue everyone's uniforms to their lockers right before tennis practice. Obviously, it wasn't a very good idea.

Momoshiro had managed to rip his right off the bat, not bothering to check underneath. He was now the proud recipient of a Seigaku uniform with a large hole in the back, four inches across.

Oishi just stood there in shock, eyes widening. Fuji had laughed when he saw his expression, but didn't find it funny anymore when said boy fainted on the ground.

Tezuka just stood there, the same stoic expression plastered on his face. "Fuji, what do you think you're doing?" he asked.

"Saa, Tezuka...Eiji was talking about how he kept losing his uniform, so I was trying to help him keep it one place," Fuji replied congenially, smilng as he normally did. "I just thought maybe the rest of the team might want some help too."

Then Fuji thought it would be a fine idea to give Kawamura a tennis racket. Bad mistake. "BURNING!!" he shouted, tearing down everyone's uniforms from their lockers. Now the uniforms lay in a disorganized heap on the ground. "Mou, maybe it was a bad idea giving him the racket," Fuji said, pouting.

Echizen tugged at his cap, muttering a quiet, "Mada mada dane, Fuji-senpai," before disappearing into the locker rooms.

"Nya? O'chibi?" Kikumaru questioned curiously. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere far, far away where Fuji-senpai can't mind rape me," Echizen replied.

Tezuka glared at Fuji. "500 laps. Now."

"Saa, Tezuka, you're so uptight."

"625."

"Hai, hai."

Inui began scribbling in his notebook. "Ii data...it seems that Tezuka has started assigning laps that aren't divisible by 10. Interesting..."

Kikumaru trembled. "Nya, Inui's scary!!! Oishi!! Help me!!!"

Echizen walked back out from the locker room, tugging at the brim of his cap. He scowled. "Kikumaru-senpai, you're so loud."

He'd replaced his uniform with a black shirt that entitled 'SEIGAKU TENNIS' plastered on the front of his shirt in bright red letters, and on the back, his shirt proudly proclaimed: 'Because our Buchou is hotter.'

Tezuka eyed the shirt suspiciously. "Echizen, where did you get that shirt from?"

"Fuji-senpai designed it," Echizen replied. "I have this one too." He tugged up the edge of the shirt, as it was rather large, and emblazoned over his shorts in the area of his butt, large white block letters proclaimed, 'O'CHIBI.'

Tezuka closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again. "Please don't tell me Fuji designed that as well."

Echizen smirked. "Nope. Kikumaru-senpai did. But I made this one." He lifted up his shirt to show a tank top underneath. Large white letter begged: ' I CAN HAZ PILLUR?'

Fuji smiled in response, tugging up his own wrecked shirt. The wifebeater underneath answered: 'KTHNXBAI.'

Tezuka twitched. "Echizen, Fuji, Kikumaru. 877 laps. Now."

"Nya, for what?!" Kikumaru exclaimed.

"For mentally scarring our fellow team members, that's what."

Echizen smirked, once again tugging down his cap brim. He reached into one large pocket, and tossed a bundle to his captain, before turning away to run his laps. "Buchou, you can have this one."

Unwrapping the bundle carefully, Tezuka scowled as the words came to light.

'I'M ON UR TENNIS COURT, PWNING UR TEAM.'

"ECHIZEN!!!" A shout was heard. "MAKE THAT 999 LAPS!!"

Inui smirked. "Ii data. Now Tezuka's laps aren't divisible by fives anymore."

"Ah, Inui!" Oishi exclaimed, poking the hole in the back of Inui's uniform, where small white and black spaces peeked out. "Did you get one too?!"

Inui wordlessly tugged up his wrecked jersey.

'YOUR TENNIS. SHOW IT TO ME.'

"Who made that one?" Oishi inquired.

"...Momoshiro."

Said boy was sniggering as he walked out of the locker room. He too, had a special shirt.

'My tennis brings all the girls to the yard.' it sang.

Tezuka shook his head, pondering on the team's sanity. "EVERYONE, 1000 LAPS!!!!"

Inui looked thoughtful. "Hm...so apparently his number of laps are totally random and they are based on whether or not he is PMSing that day."

Oishi looked surprised. "Eh? But I thought Tezuka was a guy..."

Kaidoh scowled, his arm twitching, reaching up to rip the bandanna off is head, before letting it settle back down at his side. His bandanna proclaimed his catchphrase. 'Fssh.'

"At least that's...somewhat normal," Oishi commented.

"Fsshu." Kaidoh promptly turned away, and white letter asked cheekily, "Have you hugged your buchou today?"

"Then again...maybe not."

Tezuka was mentally screaming inside his head. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIS TEAM TODAY?!?!?! He seriously needed some aspirin. Like, now. As he turned around to tell Ryuuzaki-san that practice was cancelled for the day, he failed to notice the sign posted on his back.

"MY RACQUET IS BIGGER THAN YOURS."

"Eiji!" Oishi reprimanded, turning to face the red head who had just snuck off from his laps. "You know that's not nice!!""

Kikumaru started laughing. "But I thought Tezuka-buchou might have felt lonely!!"

"Too late," Echizen said, smirking. He had also snuck off from doing his laps. "I already got him something."

"THE BALLS MAKE THE MAN." read the poster on the back of Oishi's shirt.

Tezuka was twitching uncontrollably now. "Ryuuzaki-sensei, is it possible to quit the tennis team in the middle of the season?"

Ryuuzaki-sensei looked confused. "Eh? Why, is there something wrong?" She was obviously oblivious to what was going on around her.

Glancing at each of the tennis team in turn, she let out a loud guffaw.

Tezuka stared at her in shock as she began laughing. Oh, what possessed him to join Seigaku, of all schools? Maybe another school like Hyoutei, or Rikkai Dai would have been much more preferable.

Echizen sidled up to him. "If I were you, I'd go back to Germany," he muttered.

Germany. That might be a good idea. "And if I was me," Tezuka stated. "I'd move all the way to Antarctica."

Echizen merely smirked. "Hn." He walked away from Tezuka, the bold words on his shirt mocking Tezuka every step of the way.

"Maybe I really should move to Antarctica," Tezuka said to himself.


End file.
